


Looking Pretty In A Hotel Bar

by TheForgottenDreams



Series: I Said 'I Love You' [20]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Music, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, M/M, Making Up, Mutual Pining, Pining Enjolras, Pining Grantaire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 18:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8588497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheForgottenDreams/pseuds/TheForgottenDreams
Summary: Enjolras longed to tell Grantaire he loved him, still loves him, will always love him. 
He’d never told Grantaire he loved him.  
The realisation hit him like a twelve-ton double decker bus.





	

Enjolras took a deep breath and a huge gulp of whatever alcohol the bartender had given him as he stared out from the hidden space he’d found on the balcony, onto the gardens were people walking and chatting, taking photos before the night got on. He may also be hiding from his friends because they we suffocating him with their concern. And they were also treating him like a child. Honestly, he was twenty-six not six. 

God, he just wanted a night to relax and have fun and he’d felt attacked by his friends and their worried faces and apprehensive eyes and he was so sick of it all, sick of always being out of the loop, sick of their worry. Ugh. Maybe he should just run away, maybe he should just-

“Hey.” And that was a voice Enjolras hadn’t heard in two years but he’d know it anywhere, knew it singing, screaming, speaking, whispering. That voice was embedded in his brain, tattooed there and it wouldn’t get out - regardless of what he’d told Combeferre and Courfeyrac, but whatever. “Enjolras?”

And he turned to face the voice, barely managing not to choke on his drink and he was sure the sun went out and the earth went dark and there was ice everywhere and everyone died. 

Well, that’s what it felt like. 

“Grantaire.” He whispered because he was there, in front of him, in the flesh and it had been an age since he’d seen him and he wasn’t prepared and holy shit, was this even real right now? Was he ever going to get over him? What even was his life? And yeah sure, okay, maybe this was why his friends were worried because they knew he would be here and break downs seemed a hundred times more likely with Grantaire’s eyes looking into his. Maybe they were just mean. 

And obviously Grantaire had changed a little since Enjolras last saw him but it was a good change. Enjolras assumed Cosette and Feuilly were now winning the arguments about presentation they used to have with Grantaire, because now his hair was neater and his clothes semi-worked together. His eyes were brighter and were without the dark bags Enjolras had grown accustomed to. He was smirking as well, in that way that drove Enjolras insane, in that way that still drives Enjolras insane. For fuck’s sake.

Why hadn’t Enjolras fought for him when he’d had the chance?

“I thought I saw your golden curls ordering at the bar, what’re you doing here?” Grantaire asked, raising his eyebrows because he’d never been able to raise just one - even though he’d spent hours trying to do it and nope, he didn’t need that memory because it was so adorable. 

“I was nominated for an award.” Enjolras shrugged, glancing down at his feet because Grantaire’s eyes were almost painful to look at. He waved a hand towards the room where the awards were announced, where his friends were waiting for him and -oh shit, he and Grantaire were currently vey alone. 

“Oh, well done!” Grantaire’s voice made him look up and Jesus Christ, Grantaire’s smile was blinding, Enjolras was blind, and dead, he was definitely dead now. RIP Enjolras. “I always knew you’d get awards for your music, you’re really talented Enjolras. What’s it for?”

“Best New Artist,” Enjolras pressed his lips together and felt his nose wrinkle up, “I don’t think I’ll get it though, the other nominees are a thousand times better than I am. But enough of that, what’re you doing here?”

“Publicity mainly, Feuilly’s idea for good press.” Grantaire shrugged which made Enjolras look at his shirt and jacket that clung snugly to Grantaire’s arms and shoulders and chest and muscles, yeah he was definitely not over Grantaire or his body.

“Are the others here?” Because it was either keep talking or jump Grantaire right there and then which wouldn’t be appreciated with everything between them. Plus, he wanted to avoid Grantaire’s friends because memories and pain. 

“Yeah, they’ll be around somewhere. Bahorel’s seen you already, told me to stay away from the balcony.” Grantaire shrugged.

“Yet here you are.” Enjolras said and he attempted a smile but he was a hundred percent sure it came out as a grimace. 

“Here I am.” Grantaire nodded, “I had to see what – or well whom - I wasn’t allowed near.”

“That would be me.” Enjolras nodded, pretending that didn’t hurt as much as it did, he stepped to the side so Grantaire wasn’t directly in front of him, angling for the exit, “Well seeing as our friends don’t want us near each other and there’s a wild Cosette running around that I need to warn Éponine about, maybe we should go?”

“Enjolras- no, please stay, I-” Grantaire moved and took Enjolras’ arm in his own and Enjolras’ brain short-circuited, “I want to talk to you more, I-I’ve missed you and who cares what they think right? They can’t control everything we do and we were friends once, we can be civil.”

Enjolras made himself meet Grantaire’s eyes and how could he ever say no to them, how could he say no to the desperation on his face. Enjolras nodded closing his own eyes briefly, forcing a smile on his face, forcing himself to relax. It was just Grantaire after all. 

Except it wasn’t just Grantaire. Just implied Grantaire was average, it implied he was irreplaceable or ordinary and he wasn’t, god no, he wasn’t.

Grantaire was his everything, even after five years. 

So he sucked up his pride and his hurt and smiled. settling back against the balcony railing, Grantaire smiled and moved a little closer. Enjolras was painfully aware of the hand that was still on his arm as he asked, “How have you been?” 

“Alright I guess, I drink a little too much and make the others worry but apart from that, I’m fine, lonely maybe. We just released our second album,” Grantaire took a breath, his eyes staying on Enjolras’ face the whole time and he was having some serious self-control problems. At least the hand was gone, Grantaire was just standing really close instead. “It took a lot longer than the last because I got writer’s block, I think it’s clearing up now but it wouldn’t matter we’re touring next month. What of you?”

“Just finished my first tour actually, which was great, I met some really amazing people. I’ve been collaborating more and working on more songs. I’ve got the next three weeks off though so I’m going to binge all the TV shows I’m behind on and work on some protests and rallies again.” Enjolras smiled and it felt more genuine now, “I’m glad you’ve been good. You look good, R, like really good. I, god, I didn’t realise just how much I missed being around you until now.”

“You too look really good, Enj, still like Apollo.” Grantaire smiled and he suddenly looked nervous and awkward and so adorable. “Are you, are you seeing anyone?”

“No, I had some brief flings with some guys but they all fizzled out.” Because Enjolras had been on rebound and once they realised he was in love with another guy they got upset and left. It had been a bit of a PR nightmare and both Courfeyrac and Éponine had yelled at him. “Are you?”

“Nope. There’s been people but no one longer than a month, no one permanent since-” the unspoken ‘you’ hung in the air and Enjolras was filled with longing. 

Longing to slap his younger self for letting Grantaire leave without fighting for him, longing to have stopped them getting to the place they’d been at with so many problems and secrets and relationship poison, longing to make himself say exactly what he wanted right from the start of their relationship. 

But mostly, he longed for Grantaire. Longed For his wild curls, for his eyes and his quick wit, for his stubble and the rash it left on his skin, for his hands and their skin sliding against each other, for his voice singing in the kitchen as he made pancakes or in the shower, longed for his cynicism and his sarcasm, for his loyalty, for his lips and his arms. God, Enjolras longed to tell Grantaire he loved him, still loves him, will always love him. 

He’d never told Grantaire he loved him. 

The realisation hit him like a twelve-ton double decker bus. 

“I wish we could have a do-over.” And fuck, Enjolras was speaking that part aloud apparently, okay, fine, “I would have done so many things differently.”

Grantaire’s eyes flashed up to his, big and curious and so like home. “Like what?”

And this was it. 

This was the moment. He was finally going to tell Grantaire everything. He was finally going to, as Éponine had told him many a time, woman up the fuck up and tell Grantaire everything he should have four years ago.

“Like telling you what I wanted and what I felt at the start instead of just going with what I thought was best, like not leaving you in that hotel room when all I wanted was to stay, to fight for you. After we split, I wished I had done those things so many times, but I never did and I can’t change that, I can only remember and learn. And I have learnt, ‘Taire, I have learnt so much.

“If I could go back I wouldn’t have lost touch with you, I wouldn’t have spent the last four years cyberstalking you and getting any information I could from ‘Chetta. She’s the only one I could get to talk, the others made a pact where they refused to tell me anything about you, they still do. But ‘Chetta told me everything she knew when I went to record and god, I lived for those moments, the moments in her studio as she spoke of you. It got me through it all.

“But mostly I would go back and force myself to work up the courage to you that I was head over heels, completely, totally and irrevocably in love with you. That I’m still going to be in love with you four years later despite everything.” And Enjolras felt his heart lighten almost immediately, like he’d taken off a piece of tight clothing after a long day of work. The relief was instantaneous. 

“Éponine said you were in love with me.” Grantaire answered after a moment, eyes distant, looking just to the side of Enjolras’ head and he knew that meant he was thinking. He knew Grantaire was processing everything and that he should be given time. 

“When?” Because if she’d betrayed him, he was going to burn her fancy new apartment down – after first removing Gavroche from it, obviously. 

“Like a week or two after we split.” Grantaire’s eyes shifted to his own, “She made me meet her at a café and we argued and I cried and didn’t believe her when she told me. I mean what proof did I have? You’d never said anything, never gave me any indication. I didn’t know.” 

“I thought you did know, I thought that was why you broke it off with me.” Enjolras replied. He felt his face scrunch up in the way it did when he was confused, but Grantaire had told him it was cute, like a grumpy kitten or something. He didn’t get it. “You said there was an imbalance of feelings and you were glad I’d never said anything. I thought you meant my feelings, I thought you know how I felt.” 

“No, I meant my feelings, Enjolras, I was in love with you.” Grantaire’s eyes were raw and honest and Enjolras felt something inside him swoop. “I never said anything because I thought you wanted it to be casual.”

“I never wanted that, I thought you wanted that.” Enjolras confessed, looking down as his cheeks blazed. 

“I didn’t.” Grantaire’s eyebrows lifted and his face scrunched up slightly, “We’ve been idiots, god, how’re we so stupid?”

“I don’t even know.” Enjolras took a deep breath, “If we’d have just talked, if we’d have told each other then the past four years could have been so much easier. I can’t believe us.”

“It’s funny.” The hilarity of it bubbling from Grantaire’s lips in a laugh. And though Enjolras loved the sound, it annoyed him because the past tense in his love confession. “What? Don’t look at me like that Enj, It’s hilarious.”

“Sorry, I don’t find my unrequited love quite as funny you do.” Enjolras tried hard not to be bitter. Tried being the keyword. Gold star for effort.

“Unrequited? Are you kidding?” Grantaire’s laughter was now full out, belly busting guffawing. Enjolras stood patiently for him to cut it the fuck out. “I never got over you, Enj, I tried but I kept thinking about you. Cosette tried to distract me and keep me away from you or whatever but I always found you, I kept up on you because I can’t quit you. I love you Enjolras.” Grantaire looked at him, smiling in that way that made breathing suddenly a lot harder, “I still do.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, oh.” And Grantaire’s gin brightened, his hand intertwining with Enjolras’. It felt so right, so comfortable, like putting on your favourite pair of jeans or coming back home after a long trip.

“So now what?” Enjolras asked, when the fuck did they get so close?  
.  
“Well, we need to talk about what we want and what to do to avoid what happened last time. That’s assuming you’re willing to give us another go, obviously it might be stupid and it might not amount to much if we did, we might crash and burn again but I’d love another shot with you Enjolras, if you’ll permit it.”

“We’ll have to prepare a PowerPoint presentation to our friends and get everyone to bond again – something went wrong with Éponine and Cosette but I think we can fix it. And obviously, we’ve both changed so we need to reacquaint ourselves and we need to talk and set up boundaries and what we want and everything else. But yes, I’d love another shot with you too Grantaire.” Enjolras smiled and it felt real and right and he didn’t remember the last time he’d smiled like this. “I’ll always give you another go.”

“Why don’t we reacquaint ourselves, as you said, after this?” Grantaire smirked and Enjolras had missed that so much, he looked like a bad boy who’d burn everything to the ground for kicks. It was Very Hot. “Because I for one am desperate to take that shirt and jacket off you and those trousers are sinfully tight, Montparnasse has always been good at his job, if that job is making you look ridiculously sexy.

“That sounds heavenly, well, provided you do the same, I want to see if your body has changed as much as the rest of you.” Enjolras grinned, “Do you still have that tattoo on your shoulder?”

“The one you love to bite?” Grantaire raised an eyebrow, “I couldn’t get rid of it even if I’d have wanted to.” 

“Good.” Enjolras laughed, enjoying this ease, this freedom, this love, “But you have to promise now that we definitely talk this all over, we need to talk if we want this to work.”

“I want us to work more than anything.” Grantaire tightened his grip on Enjolras’ hand as he spoke and Enjolras felt his lips curl up higher. 

“And I too.” Enjolras took Grantaire’s other hand in his, pulling him closer just because he could. “But until then we could pass the time by kissing.”

“I wouldn’t disagree with that.” Grantaire laughed, his hands cupping Enjolras’ face whose own arms were wrapping themselves around Grantaire’s waist.

And when their lips met, it finally felt like home.

**Author's Note:**

> So I realised I hadn't linked the last part (I've Not Learnt How To Draw) to the series, but I've fixed that now. IT's kind of depressing and non-essential so luckily it didn't matter too much.
> 
> This is the last piece in the series. The title is taken from Closer by The Chainsmokers featuring Halsey - everyone is probably sick to death of this song, but in my defence I wrote this in July before it was played on every mainstream radio station ever. The title of this series is no longer accidentally ironic, because they've said 'I love you' now.
> 
> I'm sorry for the cliched ending but there's been so much angst I had to make up for it somehow.  
> Thank you to all of you who've stayed till the very end of this series and to the people who've commented, bookmarked and given kudos. You're all stars, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.


End file.
